Can You Wait Patiently for What You Want?

Have you heard of the 1970 Stanford Marshmallow Experiment?

It’s a classic study in self-control:

Preschoolers were individually placed in a quiet room with nothing else but a single marshmallow on a table in front of them. They were told: You can eat it now… or wait 15 minutes and get a second one when I come back.

Some kids couldn’t resist (understandably—15 minutes is a lifetime at 4!).

But others distracted themselves—singing, covering their eyes, making up games, and even trying to fall asleep—to earn that second marshmallow.

The researchers followed up with these children later on in life, and the children who were able to delay gratification had higher SAT scores, lower levels of substance abuse and likelihood of obesity, healthier responses to stress, and stronger social skills.

Do you think that the children who had been able to delay gratification were born with strong willpower?

It’s more likely they had been taught lessons on waiting by a parent. And those who talked themselves through it likely had a parent who had talked them through tough moments before.

That kind of emotional coaching starts early, around age two, when kids begin testing their independence with “No!” and “Mine!”

However, it’s a parent’s job to set appropriate limits and boundaries for their child to learn:

When kids don’t learn to delay gratification, they can grow into adults who struggle with:

The only way to work on patience, impulse control, and delayed gratification—all traits of a securely attached person— is to exercise these muscles.

French is my mum’s first language, and the French have a way of making words eloquent. I love this phrase she often says: La patience est amère, mais son fruit est doux.

“Patient is bitter, but its fruit is sweet!”

Want to Build Your Patience Muscle?

We’ve created four powerful resources to help you (and your family) grow in emotional maturity and connection:

🌱 Singles Bundle: Grow patience in communication & dating.

👨‍👩‍👦 Parenting Bundle: Packed with practical insight for raising emotionally healthy kids, including our 6-hour parenting workshop.

💍 Couples Bundle: Learn how to wait well—emotionally, mentally, and physically—in marriage.

❤️ How We Love Our Sex…Or Don’t Bundle: Because every spouse must delay gratification sometimes when it comes to sex!
(This package was so popular when we offered it as a limited-time resource in May, we’ve decided to make it a permanent bundle!)

Each of these bundles is only about the cost of a single private therapy session.

Don’t delay your growth any longer—the fruit will be sweet!