Core Patterns

What is a Core Pattern?

What happens when your Love Style collides with your partner’s Love Style? The pairing of each person’s dominant Love Style forms what we call a “Core Pattern”. This Core Pattern is at the root of the frustrating cycle in your relationship. By discovering your Love Style as well as your relationship’s Core Pattern you can start to understand, heal, and change your relationship. The Core Pattern is your enemy, not each other. Remember these Love Styles are formed by our childhood experiences in relationships. Your spouse learned to relate as an Avoider, Pleaser, Vacillator, Controller or Victim long before you met. Most every couple has a Core Pattern, and they are far more predictable than you could imagine. With a diagnosis, change is possible!

How do you find your relationship’s core pattern?

To find your relationship’s Core Pattern, both you and your significant other should take our free Love Style quiz to determine each of your separate Love Styles. Your Core Pattern is simply a combination of those two Love Styles. You will likely have scores in more than one category. Pick the style that is most dominant in your relationship. If you aren’t sure, ask your spouse or kids. You can also read through several Core Patterns to see which is the closest fit to your core dynamic.

Recognize Your Core Pattern

It’s more predictable than you might imagine.

There are 25 possible Core Patterns, representing every combination of the five Love Styles. Of these, 10 are considered uncommon or closely resemble other patterns. If your relationship falls into one of these less common pairings, you’ll likely recognize dynamics that closely match one of the more common Core Patterns.

In every Core Pattern, neither person is the primary instigator. Instead, the cycle is ongoing—each partner unintentionally triggering the other’s childhood wounds and protective responses. This creates a repeating relational loop, where the final step in the pattern often reinforces and restarts the first.

Understanding your Core Pattern can help you recognize the cycle you’re caught in and begin making intentional changes toward healthier connection.

Use the grid below to explore every possible Core Pattern combination. Simply select your Love Style and your partner’s Love Style to learn more about the relational pattern you share.

Not sure what your Love Style is? Start by taking our free Love Style quiz—and invite your partner to take it too.