Have you ever looked forward to the weekend all week—only to have one small conflict derail the whole thing?
Sadly, for several years of our marriage, Amy and I had what I now call “The Weekend Conflict.”
It’s back-to-school season and I’m seeing many online posts of proud parents taking pictures of their child’s first day in a new grade.
And with each new grade comes an anticipation of a new stage of growth—not just academically or biologically, but in emotional maturity too.
Sometimes, there’s a good reason one spouse doesn’t want to be physically naked with the other.
If there’s been betrayal, abuse, untreated addiction, significant relational wounding without repentance, or coercion to do a specific sex act that is uncomfortable, sexual intimacy may need to pause while trust is rebuilt.
Have you ever noticed that when a person uses a “but” right after you’ve shared something, it can feel invalidating?
“I hear you, but…”
“I understand, but…”
“Yeah, but…”
What happens to everything that came before the “but”?
It almost disappears.
When a Vacillator falls in love, they fall quickly and deeply.
Why? Because Vacillators are relational idealists.
As children, they experienced connection that was inconsistent—an emotionally or physically unavailable parent. One who is either warm and engaging one moment, then distant the next. Or one who just isn’t around all the time.
Have you ever noticed that people don’t usually break an unhealthy relationship pattern because they finally understand their problem? They do so only once they’ve become exhausted by it.
There’s a saying we often use in therapy: People change when the cost of staying the same exceeds the cost of change.