We married in 2012 after a three-month whirlwind introduction and engagement each believing we had found our soulmate. However, once married real life set in and our whirlwind romance turned into two hurricanes colliding as we soon realized we were more alike than we realized when it came to conflict! Both being imprinted in childhood with a vacillator love style, neither of us found it easy to wait our turn and we both struggled with feeling deeply disappointed in the other, misunderstood, and protesting to get the other to see our hurt and respond.

On top of our attachment injuries, we came into marriage each with a young child in tow, both aged 7-years-old, and with wounds from our previous marriages as both our former spouses committed infidelity. By God’s grace we made it through the first few years and were introduced to the ‘How We Love’ material in 2017, as Marc was making the transition from the corporate world to becoming a therapist. We were both taken back at how accurately the love styles described us, and Marc so much so that he contacted the Yerkovichs and asked to train under them when he realized we all lived in southern California.

Since then, we have learned to understand the core pattern of our marriage, become aware of our triggers, and learned to listen and speak effectively to get around the Comfort Circle. We can now calm the small child inside of ourselves to wait our turn, recognize idealizations to avoid disappointments, and make requests rather than protest – most of the time! Earning a secure attachment is hard work, but the fruit is life-giving. You can stay stuck, or you can choose to grow. We hope you will make secure attachment your legacy.