Are You a Secure Connector?

While the Love Styles represent different types of emotional injury, Secure Connectors on the other hand, are comfortable with reciprocity; balanced giving and receiving in relationships.They can describe strengths and weakness in themselves and others without idealizing or devaluating. Skilled at self-reflection, Secure Connectors are able to clearly and easily communicate their feelings and needs. Resolving conflict was likely modeled for them growing up, so they know they’re not perfect and can apologize when wrong. Setting boundaries and saying “no” is also no problem for a Secure Connector. They are comfortable with new situations, can take risks, and delay gratification. When upset, Secure Connectors can easily seek help and comfort. 

The Secure Attachment

Take the Secure Connector Quiz

At this point, you know what your primary Love Style is, and what growth looks like for that style. As you distance yourself from your unhealthy love style and make progress toward a secure connection, it’s easy to become discouraged or wonder how successful you are due to the shifting, organic nature of relationships.

In addition, use this Secure Connector Quiz as a way to keep perspective on your journey. Take this quiz to rate yourself now, and then do it again in a few months to monitor your growth. Keep in mind that our first book, How We Love, and its companion, the How We Love Workbook, will prove to be invaluable tools during your journey.