At How We Love, we’re passionate about helping people break free from frustrating relational cycles to build healthier, more secure relationships. We offer resources for couples, parents, and individuals who want to grow in emotional maturity and deepen their connections with others. We also provide attachment-based training for therapists and a church group study designed for both small groups and large congregations.

Founded by Milan and Kay Yerkovich, our story began when Kay first learned about childhood attachment styles while studying to become a psychotherapist. As she shared what she was learning with Milan who was a pastoral counselor, they began to recognize something profound: they had both carried the attachment imprints of their childhoods into adulthood. Those unresolved wounds were shaping their marriage, leaving them stuck in a reactive cycle where each unintentionally triggered the other’s deepest insecurities and unmet needs.

This realization launched them on their own healing journey. As they learned to understand the impact of their histories, communicate their needs more effectively, and respond to one another with empathy rather than reactivity, their relationship began to transform.

Out of that process, they developed the Comfort Circle—a guided conversation tool that helps couples slow down, explore the deeper emotions beneath their conflicts, and provide one another with comfort and relief. The Comfort Circle creates a corrective attachment experience that fosters healing, strengthens emotional connection, and helps couples move toward secure attachment.

In 1997 Milan and Kay started teaching workshops to help people understand the predictable attachment core patterns that get created when two attachment styles combine. Their insights resonated so deeply with attendees that people repeatedly encouraged them to write a book. Eventually, they were signed by Penguin Random House, and their first book, How We Love, was published in 2006. Since then, it has sold more than 400,000 copies and has helped thousands of individuals and couples understand and overcome the attachment wounds that drive conflict and disconnection.

Milan and Kay went on to publish their second book, How We Love Our Kids in 2011, explaining how the insecure attachment styles display in parents and in children, and how parents can learn to do the Comfort Circle with their children to help them develop more secure bonds.

What began as their personal journey eventually became the foundation of the How We Love approach, and using what they had learned to counsel other couples, Milan and Kay developed Attachment Core Pattern Therapy (ACPT). Eventually, they established a counseling center in Southern California to train and support therapists using this approach.

Today, How We Love continues the mission to equip individuals, couples, families, churches, and therapists with practical tools and attachment-based insights that create lasting change.