Are You Dealing With the Unexpected?

On May 29th of last year, I (Amy) received the kind of news that stops time: “Invasive duct carcinoma.” Breast cancer.

I was on a break during my nursing shift at the hospital. I figured I’d save myself a trip and get my biopsy screening results while I was already there. However, I was shocked to hear the words. How could this be? I was only 40 years old! In one moment, I went from being the calm and in-control caregiver to the vulnerable patient. Over the next few weeks and months, my internal world flooded with questions, fears, and overwhelming decisions. I found myself spiraling through information about treatment options, lifestyle changes, and long lists of things I should or shouldn’t eat.

The rest of 2024 was one of the most emotionally and mentally exhausting years of my life. I woke up thinking about cancer, and I went to sleep thinking about cancer. It was always there in my mind.

As I reflect on my experience one year later, I’m sharing this story not to highlight hardship, but to offer hope. What made a real difference in my ability to navigate this life-altering journey was knowing and practicing my growth goals.

As a recovering Vacillator, I’ve had a tendency to swing between idealizing and devaluing. In this chaos, I did my best to ground myself with a simple phrase: “It’s not all good, but it’s not all bad.” This helped me stay present and focused on what I needed to do for my treatment. I practiced noticing my endless “what if” thoughts from a giant pile of variables so I could stop myself when I began ruminating. And when I made my treatment decisions, I leaned into the mindset of being settled on my choices to overcome ambivalence—since all my options came with some type of risk and undesirable side effects.

One year on, I’m deeply grateful that through early detection and expeditious surgery, it has led to the best possible outcome.

I’m now cancer-free!