What Was Your Sex Education Like?

Let’s get real for a moment: What kind of sex education did you get growing up?

For me (Marc), it was… uncomfortable and incomplete. My parents were too embarrassed to talk about sex—something I now realize reflected their own struggles. “The talk” was basically watching a documentary with them about sperm racing toward an egg. That was it. No discussion about arousal, how intimacy is built, boundaries, how to control my sexual desires, or what’s actually healthy or okay. In fact, there were no follow-up conversations at all. The rest I learned from Hollywood and porn—two seriously underqualified sources.

It wasn’t until adulthood when I became a therapist, expected to guide couples with their sexual issues, that I looked up credible research-based information on how men and women are wired for intimacy. I learned how our attachment styles shape our sexual expectations and that emotional intimacy leads to fulfilling sex, not the other way around.

By the time I learned all this, our kids were already teenagers. I often wish I had known it sooner, but I’m grateful we were able to shift the culture in our home. The information transformed both mine and Amy’s sexual expectations of one another, and as we became more comfortable talking about sex, we started open discussions with our kids. Instead of one awkward “talk” like I got, we created a space for ongoing conversations. We gave our kids more than just information—we gave them permission to ask. Sometimes they asked, other times they just listened—but our goal was always the same: to make talking about it normal, not taboo.

How about you?

Are you still relying on the information you received from your school’s outdated Sex Ed class, a vague “birds and the bees” talk with your parents, or scenes from movies and porn to guide your understanding of sex?

Most churches haven’t nailed this either. The purity culture message of “just wait until marriage” often leaves out how to build a healthy sexual connection once you’re there.

It’s never too late to educate yourself. You’re not alone—and we’re here to help!