A client recently shared a story about her growth efforts that stayed with me—and maybe it will with you too:
She got a haircut she didn’t like. So, she went back to have it fixed. After she got home again, she still didn’t like it. She considered going back a third time, but instead she made a choice to tolerate it and remind herself it would grow out when it bothered her.
That’s a small, everyday example that’s happened to all of us, but there’s a powerful lesson in this:
Life gives us a lot we don’t like, can’t fix immediately, or just have to sit with.
- The grief that lingers
- The awkward silence in a conversation
- The difficult family member that doesn't want to change
- The tension in waiting for the meeting after someone says, "We need to talk"
And one of the strongest signs of emotional maturity is the ability to sit with discomfort—without reacting impulsively, numbing, fixing, or avoiding.
The Window of Tolerance
Each of us has a window of emotional tolerance—a range within which we can manage our emotions before we become overwhelmed or reactive.
And the good news is: We can expand that window!
But (and this is important)… It only grows through existential effort.
You must practice the very thing you’re trying to become better at.
✨ Want to be more patient?
➡️ Practice waiting.
✨ Want to be a better listener?
➡️ Practice sitting with opposing views without interrupting, shutting down, or rolling your eyes.
That’s the only way our emotional capacity grows.
📌 Let’s clarify something:
I’m not talking about stuffing emotions.
Stuffing is about denial or suppression, and that usually leads to:
- Addiction
- Emotional explosions
- Or a relational breakdown
What I am talking about is self-regulation—slowing down your reactions long enough to ask:
Why is this so bothersome to me?
That moment of pause is where the work begins to do some deeper self-exploration.
And in that pause, you can gently remind yourself:
“It’s possible for me to manage this discomfort.”
And that’s how tolerance for our negative emotions becomes a tool for transformation!
Growth doesn’t always look like action. Sometimes it looks like grace, patience, or simply not reacting.
So, the next time you feel the urge to lash out, shut down, or run away—pause.
Recognize it as a signal:
⚠️ Your window of tolerance is being tested.
And in that moment… choose to stretch it just a little wider.
🙌 Thank You for Growing with Us
Thanks for being part of the How We Love community.
Keep learning, keep loving, and keep growing together.
With love and blessings,
Marc & Amy
Milan & Kay
