What’s the Story of Your Love?

Do you know the leading cause of death in the U.S. and worldwide? Heart disease.

But when it comes to marriage decline, the disease isn’t physical—it’s mental and emotional—and happens more in the mind.

It manifests as disillusionment and dissatisfaction.

These often lead to fantasizing… which, if allowed to run unchecked, can turn into affairs or porn addictions.

And that’s the truth about porn and affairs: They’re fantasies— not real life!

They are curated versions of people and moments, detached from diapers, dishes, and disagreements.

But here’s a question most don’t consider:
If someone became your fantasy person… would you really be theirs?

Many men desire their wives to become their sexual fantasy while detached from an emotional connection with them. Meanwhile, some wives long for an emotional connection with their husbands, but criticize more than they show appreciation.

Let me be clear:

But that growth must begin with mutual support, not constant critique— And a realistic view of what healthy relationships look like along with a recognition of our starting points for growth.

What's the Story You're Telling?

Too often, we lead with what’s wrong instead of what’s right. While our expectations of our spouse are not in line with reality.

Now, I’m not saying I get it right all of the time, but recently, in a moment of playfulness, I recounted to Amy the “Story of My Love” for her—All the things I first fell in love with that she still embodies today.

More than just the spark I noticed she caused in me, or her smile, or laugh—But the substantive things like her ability to see others in need and offer help, her strong faith in God and others, and her commitment to grow along with me.

Then I asked her to tell her story to me.

Why is learning to tell our story important?

This helps us rebuild and maintain a narrative of our love and commitment—a foundation to grow from, not tear down.

Research shows secure attachment begins with creating a realistic and healthy narrative.

The Bible says, “Be happy with the wife of your youth.” (Proverbs 5:18)

That, of course, is meant to go both ways.

Too often, though, we speak aloud only the things we don’t like. And while concerns may be valid—how often are you speaking life into your spouse?

Discontentment causes us to drift into fantasy, but to rekindle a fire, you must begin by adding more fuel. And to rekindle love, you must begin by celebrating, encouraging, and remembering.

So instead of lodging only complaints this week, tell your spouse something you appreciate about them and start to rebuild the ‘Story of Your Love.” This won’t solve all your problems, but you’re more likely to gain a listening ear and considerate heart for when you do have a concern to share.

Because secure love—the kind that weathers heart and mind disease—is rooted in mutual respect and appreciation.