I (Amy) have an older car. When I’m driving on a bumpy freeway, something on the tailgate rattles. Since most of the time it’s just me in the car I turn the radio up, so I don’t notice it.
But a couple of weekends ago, we went out to dinner with friends for my birthday. The girls sat in the backseat—closer to the trunk—and instantly the rattling became much more obvious to me.
I felt a little embarrassed thinking it was interrupting the conversation, even though everyone was gracious about it.
Later I said to Marc,
“I really wish we could get that fixed. I know we don’t want to put more money into an older car, but I’d feel more tolerant driving it without that constant noise.”
The next day Marc said,
“I fixed the rattling!”
Turns out, the lock had become loose and just needed some tightening up. Even though he’d known it had been bothering me for a while, once he’d taken the time to see what it was, he realized it was a simple job.
I told him that was my best birthday gift! I was half-joking—yet honestly very happy!
Something small had been creating ongoing irritation for months, and now it was gone.
Same car.
Different driving experience.
It made me think about relationships.
Most of us have “rattles” in our connections with others—especially with the people we’re closest to. Small but persistent tensions.
Depending on your attachment style, you may have ignored them for the sake of “peace.” Turned up the metaphorical radio and told yourself, “It’s not that bad.”
Maybe you’ve had the conversation over and over with no real resolution because you haven’t taken the time to really understand each other’s perspective and try a repair.
When something rattles but doesn’t get fixed, it quietly wears on us. And while we may have learned to live with the noise, the payoff of repair can be profound.
Fewer irritations.
Less resentment.
More space to actually enjoy the relationship.
Our tools for relationships aren’t bolts and wrenches.
But there are tools.
If you haven’t found the right one, try practicing the Comfort Circle. It can be like giving your relationship an emotional tune-up.
Ask your spouse or that family member if you can share about something bothering you. Then make a commitment that you’ll listen to them share about something weighing on them afterwards.
If your spouse isn’t ready—or you’re not sure you’re ready to try with them yet—try it with a friend.
Real repair takes attention and effort.
As you learn to feel seen and known by one another, you may discover that some of that emotional rattling isn’t quite so loud anymore—and see it’s possible to enjoy the journey sometimes without having to turn the radio up!
Try the Comfort Circle to Fix Your Communication Rattles
What are the rattles in your everyday patterns of communication?
Which ones annoy you—and which ones have you learned to ignore?
What might be possible if you chose repair instead of endurance?
Check out these FREE tools on our website on the Comfort Circle—including the downloadable PDF Comfort Circle Guide for the Listener.
🙌 Thank You for Growing with Us
Thanks for being part of the How We Love community.
Keep learning, keep loving, and keep growing together.
With love and blessings,
Marc & Amy
Milan & Kay
