What’s Your Blind Spot?

Here’s a simple but challenging question: How do you take feedback?

Most of us would agree with this statement: I’m not right all the time.

But we tend to act and live as if we are.

That’s because we need to justify our actions for us to keep doing them and that’s how blind spots get created.

We all have blind spots—and we don’t notice them until someone points out where we’re wrong and helps us see them.

And yet, many of us resist feedback. We become defensive, guarded, or quick to explain ourselves.

Now, defending ourselves is a natural impulse when we perceive we’re being attacked. And when feedback is presented through criticism—or worse, shame and humiliation—it’s natural to protect ourselves.

But here’s the problem: defensiveness keeps us unaware if feedback is accurate—even if the way the other person presented it wasn’t loving.

And what we’re unaware of about ourselves… we can’t change.

For a long time, I was missing out on hearing how I could transform my relationships because I was not a good feedback taker.

Anytime someone offered feedback or disagreed with my point of view, I became defensive. I justified my actions, explained my intentions, and argued my case so well that people would jokingly (or not so jokingly) tell me, “You should be a lawyer!”

And in my pride, I mistakenly took that as a compliment.

But then came a turning point. A close friend of mine, Robert—who actually is a lawyer and works for the DA’s office—called me out one day in front of my family. He got frustrated with my arguing and told me, “I can’t even argue with you.”

Now, that might not sound dramatic at first, but it hit me deeply because it was so out of character for him. Even though Robert is a Prosecutor, he’s also a recovering Pleaser. Confrontation is not his natural lane with friends. In fact, he hates when I tell this story—and I still text him every time I do, because it’s such a key moment in my healing journey toward secure attachment. I never want to forget it.

In that moment, I had a choice. Would I get angry at my friend (who my family love)? Or would I allow his feedback to reach me?

Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.”

That day, Robert’s honesty wounded my pride—but it began a process of healing my heart. It exposed a blind spot. And instead of defending myself, I finally admitted what he said as true.

Here’s a truth: When we don’t hold ourselves accountable, others must take up that mantle in our lives. And the accountability chosen is usually more productive than the accountability imposed.

If we truly want to know our blind spots, we need to build a mechanism for receiving feedback—otherwise, we’ll only hear about them when someone is upset with us—and we’re less likely to be receptive at that point.

The people closest to us—spouses, close friends, family—often have the most accurate view of us. And when we invite their perspective, it’s far more likely to be offered with care.

True intimacy allows for honest feedback without criticism—and for hearing it without defensiveness.

If you find that you tend to be defensive when you get feedback, try just saying at first: “Let me think about that.”

Not arguing. Not explaining. Just considering.

But better yet, learn to ask those around you: “What’s it like to be on the outside of me?”