The Wonderful Benefit of Being Known

I felt ashamed. If only she understood everything I’ve endured.

By the time I ran into her in the hallway, I apologized for creating more work for her. And that’s when she shared that her admin—who usually handles these things—is out for the holidays. She was feeling overwhelmed, too.

In the end, we decided it could wait a couple more weeks. No urgency. No frustration. Just two humans trying to juggle life. And yet…my reaction had been so much bigger than the situation.

Marc and I are taking our small group through the HWL Church Group Study. During the skill-building breakout time, as I shared some emotions from my day, I brought this up—and talking it through helped me uncover something deeper.

I realized that the intensity of my rumination wasn’t actually about work at all. It was about loss.

Losing my dad suddenly when I was only seven years old—and not having the support to properly process that grief—created a kind of emotional amputation. It’s not a wound I notice that aches daily, yet it still shapes the way my nervous system responds to certain moments. Disappointment, disappointing others, and even the fear of it, run deep.

Even though some situations are small and manageable, the child in me still remembers the pain of being left, of feeling not enough, of longing for connection. Naming that connection—past to present—was freeing.

I hadn’t been open to talking about the loss of my dad until recently. But while being vulnerable isn’t always comfortable, being known is deeply comforting.

If you’ve ever wondered why certain moments bother you more than they “should,” or why a small comment can ignite a big emotional reaction, you’re not alone.

Often, our present-day triggers are connected to old, unspoken stories. Understanding begins when we trace the thread back to its source—and when we do it in the safety of trusted relationships where we receive comfort, that’s where healing occurs.