Understanding Emotional Triggers and How to Stop Them

Have you ever said or heard someone say, “I’m getting triggered!”?

Most of us have — and usually what we mean is, “I’m getting angry and about to blow—so be warned!”

They are, in fact, being triggered, but what most people don’t stop and ask themselves is:

“What exactly is being triggered?”

A trigger is a rekindling of an old emotional neural network — a brain pathway formed during a significant experience where you felt hurt, fear, or shame, and your needs went unmet.

Whenever we have any experience, our brain links together:

The situation (who or what was there)
The emotion we felt
Where we felt it in our body
If we got our emotional needs met by others, or what we had to do to get that need met, or manage it going unmet
And the belief we formed about ourselves or others as a result

All these things get associated together and stored in our subconscious memory.

Later, when something in the present reminds us of even one part of that old experience, this triggers a domino effect, and the whole emotional pathway refires. But because this is a subconscious process, we’re often unaware that this is happening.

This is why we sometimes see relational danger where there isn’t any, or get hurt easily and overreact to something small — because we’ve learned to be on the lookout for that trigger situation.

So, emotional triggers are associations in the present of something significant from our past.

How to Heal

You can’t work on what you’re not aware of. And because our childhoods form the foundation of our relational experiences — where we first learned whether others could be trusted to soothe and comfort us — understanding that history is the key to uncovering many of our emotional triggers.

However, most people understandably don’t want to revisit painful memories, especially if they’ve had a difficult childhood.

But until you can reflect on and understand how those experiences shaped you, your triggers will remain outside your conscious awareness — and you’ll keep blaming people in the present for old pain — assigning them as the cause of your strong emotional reactions.

A good rule of thumb to recognize a trigger is:

If your reaction is hysterical, it’s probably historical!

So, the next time you feel yourself getting “triggered,” pause and ask:
“What exactly is being triggered in me?”

That simple moment of curiosity could be the beginning of your journey to freedom from that trigger!

We've Got You Covered!

Working with a therapist who takes a historical, attachment-based approach can help you explore your story and understand how your past shapes your present. You can find a directory of independent counselors who use our How We Love model here: 👉 Find a Counselor

The How We Love Workbook is designed to walk you through that same process — helping you identify your triggers and attachment patterns. 👉 Get the HWL Workbook

In my upcoming book, Understanding Your Attachment Style, I go even deeper into how to change your beliefs and how each attachment style can recognize and reduce triggers — and develop practices that lead to more secure connection.

If you’d like to begin working on your triggers today, you can listen to our Growth Goals Audios here: 👉 Explore Your Growth Goals

And don’t forget — our bundles are always our best values! A whole lot of tools for less than the price of one therapy session! 👉 Check out the Bundles