Once you’ve discovered your love style move to STEP 2 of the HWL Journey if you’re in a relationship. In this step you’ll learn the Core Pattern created as your love style + your partner’s love style combine.

Not in a relationship? Move to STEP 3 to apply our healing tools—the Growth Goals and The Comfort Circle—to create stronger connections in your key relationships and earn a more secure attachment.

A Love Style (what we call attachment styles) is a relational pattern that develops from your childhood experiences—especially how emotional needs were met (or unmet) in childhood. It reflects the ways you learned to communicate, handle conflict, give and receive love, and manage emotional intimacy.

This style follows us into adulthood, and while these strategies worked when we were younger and didn’t have a choice over our family environment, unless you have a secure atachment style, the rest are problematic for our adult relationships.

Understanding your Love Style helps you identify the emotional wounds and defensive patterns driving your reactions, allowing you to grow toward more secure attachment, healthier communication, and deeper connection.

HOW YOUR CHILDHOOD SHAPES YOUR RELATIONSHIPS TODAY

The Avoider

The Avoider

“I like people but I’m not very comfortable when they get emotional or needy around me. I like to keep it simple—it’s so much easier when people just take care of themselves like I do.” 

The Pleaser

The Pleaser

“I enjoy caring for others and work hard at making those I love happy. I’m not great at saying “No” or keeping boundaries, but anything is better than having people upset with me.” 

The Vacillator

The Vacillator

“I long for close connection in relationships but people always let me down. I spend a lot of time in my head trying to process all the disappointments and I wonder why relationships are so hard.” 

The Controller

The Controller

“I don’t like being outside of my comfort zone, so I always make sure I’m the one in charge. That way I know for sure that I won’t be taken advantage of.” 

The Victim

The Victim

“I keep my needs quiet, and honestly, I’m not even sure what my needs are. It’s safer when I just go with the flow—there’s less opportunity for a blow-up.” 

The Secure Connector

The Secure Connector

“I am comfortable with myself and with others, able to handle conflict, negative emotions, and both giving and receiving. When I need help I’m not afraid to ask for it.” 

discover your Love Style