“I work hard at making those I love happy, and I’m not great at saying “no” or keeping boundaries. But anything is better than having people upset with me.”
Pleasers usually grow up in a home with an overly protective or angry critical parent. Pleaser children do everything they can to “be good” and avoid troubling their reactive parent. These kids don’t get comfort: rather, they spend their energy comforting or appeasing their troublesome parent. As adults, Pleasers tend to continually monitor the moods of others around them to keep everyone happy. Eventually, they can become resentful and break down or leave the relationship.
Ask yourself the following: If these statements resonate with you, you might be a Pleaser. Take the quiz to find out.
- For most (or all) of my childhood I could have been described as “the good kid.”
- I feel very upset if someone is upset or annoyed with me so I am good at “keeping peace.”
- I seek connection and avoid rejection by anticipating and meeting others’ needs.
- Conflict makes me uneasy and I prefer to deal with disagreement by giving in or making up for it and quickly and moving on.
- I have difficulty confronting or saying no and sometimes it makes me less than truthful.