The core pattern is your enemy, not your spouse! This PDF is a chart outlining the stages of growth a couple progresses through in overcoming their core pattern and moving toward secure connection.
Attachment Core Pattern Therapy™ is a framework for couples’ therapy that focuses on how the attachment styles of each spouse collide in marriage creating a problematic Core Pattern that blocks connection and hinders communication.
Attachment styles (“love styles” How We Love 2006) are the result of successful or unsuccessful bonding and attachment experiences in our family of origin. Positive experiences create a Secure Attachment and less successful experiences result in the wounded attachment styles of Avoider, Pleaser, Vacillator, Controller and Victim.
When two of these problematic love styles collide in adult romantic relationship couples are unwittingly re-creating a primary attachment relationship similar to their family of origin. Eventually, when the facades begin to disappear and conflict ensues, a core pattern of reactivity begins to form which becomes a repetitive fight or way of interacting that repeats over and over. These core patterns are unexplored, automatic, predictable and as so far as the couple goes, involuntary. Interventions are targeted at helping each person see their part of the destructive dance and using a comfort circle to create a new successful pattern of relating.
We prefer to see couples together (not individually) as these reactive patterns are best observed when couples are interacting and regulation is best learned within the primary attachment relationship.
This PDF is a chart the shows the stages of growth in overcoming and exiting the core pattern.