This one hour download provides an in-depth look at Vacillator–Vacillator Attachment Core Pattern. It includes a downloadable PDF, which includes a circular diagram of this Core Pattern, explanations and all applicable interventions to exit this destructive dance.
Vacillators are sensitive and easily triggered by any hint of rejection or abandonment. Each can feel easily overlooked, misunderstood or unloved. Over time, the passionate connection and intense good feelings of the early relationship are disturbed by anger, hurt and disappointment as “real life” sets in. Since Vacillators can swing between “all good” and “all bad” their relationship is often stormy and extremely good or bad on any given day.
Jealousy is often a problem for this couple as both are easily threatened by potential loss. Either mate can vent and listening is rare. Anger is matched with anger and fighting can be intense and ugly. The children suffer during such interchanges and are rarely asked how the fighting made them feel. Neither likes to apologize, or give in, so stubborn standoffs can last a long time with fighting replaced by stony silence. Both have difficulty understanding their contribution to the problems. Rather, they blame the other for making them feel “bad” and “unhappy.” With no ownership problems continue.
The Vacillator goes through a pattern of protest, despair and detachment over and over when their idealized hopes and dreams don’t materialize. Over time, they may give up, detach and appear to be a disconnected Avoider when, in fact, they are a Vacillator who has given up hope.
If you are interested in the complete series, this lecture is also included as part of the Attachment Core Pattern Therapy – Complete Series set.
This CD is also available as an audio download!