The Wisdom of a Three Year Old

The Wisdom of a Three Year Old 

I wanted to share an email we received that I’m sure will be one of our all time favorites.

This is from a mom who wanted to read “How We Love”, but did not have the money to purchase the book.  Several days after we corresponded she got a gift card from a friend to a Christian Bookstore in her area.  She was excited about this provision and purchased the book.  This is what she wrote:

I thought you might enjoy this anecdote…I purchased “How We Love” and am most of the way through it.

The concepts presented are very insightful indeed.

Anyway, my 3 year old, Christopher, picked up the book and looked through it for pictures.

He found the on p. 272-273 demonstrating Touch and Nurture.

He was very drawn to them and immediately, he wanted to practice holding that way.

First he wanted me to hold him.

Then he wanted to hold me.

And, we talked about how nice it felt to be held like that.

It was a very interesting experience having my 3 year old “lead” me in this exercise.

He tells me that he wants to practice this again.

After that, Christopher told me he was going to “read” the book to me.

I said ok as he flipped through the pages.

He stopped and said, “here are some questions that Mommy can answer”.

I looked at the page–it was the list of “listener questions” on page 257.

I agreed that yes, these were questions I could answer.

Then he flipped some more pages and stopped again.

This time on page 290.

As I looked down and saw the prayer printed there, I heard Christopher saying “Dear God, thank you for the things we learn….”

I must say here, that Christopher does not read or write yet….we’re still working to conquer the ABC’s verbally and have only begun a little to try to recognize them in written form.

His comments were truly out of the blue….but so surprising.  

V. B.


I LOVE this story.

Now, what can WE learn?

A three year old, just by looking at the pictures of holding, gets the idea that this is a nice thing that would feel good.

He is only three so he has no hang ups about holding time.

He asks his mom to do this with him.

He wants to be held and he wants to take a turn as a holder.

He wants to receive and give.

This kid is on the right track.

I have not met many adults that found holding time that easy.

We have received a lot of emails from people who have read the book and expressed how much it has helped.

When we have the opportunity to ask if they have tried the holding, we often find a bit of

Now let me say up front, we realize this is more of a problem for singles.

How does as single person find a way to do this?

Admittedly, this can be a problem unless you are seriously dating someone.

To all of you singles, we appreciate the dilemma this puts you in and the longing it may create.

For you we pray you keep this idea in your heart and realize the importance of holding time and non sexual touch in any future relationships.

What about some of you married folks?

Have you tried a holding time with your spouse?

How did it go?

If you are reluctant, be bold like this three year old and ask your partner take turns holding one another.

Just try the positions we show in the book on page 272 and 273.

Talk about how it feels.

Can you relax?

Turn to the feeling word list in the back and choose a few feelings you experience.

Then contact us at:  (simply click on the blue text, you will be directed to our contact page on and please let us know about your experience.

This month we are going to focus on holding time.

I’ll answer any question that might be helpful to all our readers.

Love and blessings,
Milan and Kay