“The Safety Pyramid.” – Part 8
This topic has prompted several of you come up with some really great questions. Additionally, I can be confusing and quite unclear at times prompting more questions. When this happens I play the “nut loose behind the keyboard” card. Me! Either way, it’s fun to hear from you and have a dialogue.
Question #1: In response to Part 6, “can you distinguish between someone who chronically over shares information (TMI) and a secure connector who is open and honest?” Great question! The secure connector is attuned to his audience and is appropriately open and honest, usually in response to an inquiry within the dialogue. The secure person is attentive to the listener and is aware of body language that would indicate disinterest. They will easily take note when the person next to them is yawning and staring out the airplane window. Additionally, information sharing and gathering will be a gradual process of getting to know one another and it will be quite reciprocal versus unilateral disclosure.
The TMI folk on the other hand just start talking whether or not they are invited to do so and will often reveal information that is inappropriate to the amount of time they’ve known you. They are neither attuned nor attentive to verbal and non- verbal cues indicating disinterest on the part of the listener. Enraptured by their own story and the perception that they have a listening ear, they drone on and on.
Question #2: “I thought that taking issue with a significant other’s injury was a sign of loyalty. I don’t like hearing that perhaps feeling as I do means I’m relationally immature.” Here is an example of me not being clear … i.e. the nut loose behind the keyboard. When I was talking about unquestioning loyalty being an insecure trait, I was thinking of the following case. A husband had an argument with his brother and told his wife he wasn’t talking to him anymore. Because of his choice he told her that she was to cut off her relationship with their sister-in-law (SIL). Wow! As it turns out, she was close to her SIL and the two were planning to take the kids to the beach the very next day. Should the wife blindly take up the husband’s offense? Some would knuckle under the pressure but I don’t think that’s healthy. Frankly if I were her, I’d empathize with him and politely remind him that his persistent sibling rivalry which created constant ups and downs in the relationship would not be the roller coaster I’d be willing to ride.
To your point, certainly it makes sense that someone who hurts a significant other is a person of whom I will take notice. Clarification and possible repair will be my goal. If that’s not possible protection and care for my significant other will become my priority.
Thanks for your questions as they help all of us grow and learn.
Thanks for listening.
Milan for Milan & Kay