Teaching Your Kids About Sex – Part 4
The next four weeks are titled, Teaching Your Kids About Sex.
It is a big topic and there is certainly a lot to be say, but I (Kay) will focus on some of the areas we see parents struggling.
One of the emails I got about this series involved oral sex.
This is very accepted and popular among teen because “you can’t get pregnant”.
In addressing this question I incorporated the why wait question.
Question: My niece asked me if oral sex is OK since it is not intercourse. How can I give a thoughtful answer to this question?
Explain to your niece that oral sex is just as intimate (if not more so) than intercourse. God reserves this level of intimacy for marriage so there is something sacred and special shared just by a husband and wife. God puts these boundaries in place to have something to give our mate that we have given to no one else.
In addition, the practice of self control (learned in dating or engagement) is essential to great sex later in marriage. Waiting and restraint builds trust as each demonstrates to the other self control. Does your niece want to trust her husband one day when she sends him off to work? How much will she trust him if they had oral sex on the third date? Or, were in bed in a matter of weeks, or months? How can he trust her if she gave in easily? Dating and engagement give each person, male and female the opportunity to demonstrate to one another that passions can be high, but each is able to exercise self control. Waiting until marriage, and exercising self control (even through it is very difficult) is the basis for trusting your spouse later in marriage.
Trust is essential to good sex in marriage. Self control is essential to during different parts of marriage…..for example, ideally, a man must be able to wait until his wife is ready for orgasm. That takes self control. Illness, childbirth or times of stress or trauma require sexual self control in marriage.
In teen sex before marriage, 99% if the time, oral sex is given by the girl, to the guy. Usually, it is a “quickie” and there is pressure to “be cool”. The girl is the giver here and guys are takers. Girls get use to this selfish approach to sex and don’t expect any different in marriage.
In addition, the more experience one has before marriage with numerous sexual partners the more comparisons one had to their spouse when married. Does your niece someday want her husband to be comparing her to a bunch of other girls he has had sex with….oral, intercourse or whatever? Does she want all these comparisons in her head when with her husband of men she has slept with?
Many teens don’t realize that many sexually transmitted diseases are passed through oral sex. Oral sex is popular because one cannot get pregnant but one can get any disease passed through bodily fluids. I hope these thoughts give ways to speak with your niece that will be helpful to her.
Thanks & Love,
Milan and Kay
Next week: More Great Relationship Advice!