“Self, Other, We.” When she was two years old, Lindsey had learned that when she was uncomfortable or distressed, she could turn to Mom and Dad for help. There she would find relief and comfort from attentive and attuned parents. Additionally, their soothing touch and voice tones would settle her agitation and she would feel […]
“Self, Other, We.” Part 2: The Avoider “Can’t you see me struggling? I do all the work of going to Costco, the least you could do is help me get these heavy boxes through the door! Are you blind? You just sit there staring at your phone. Don’t just look at me, say something!” Carrie […]
“Self, Other, We.” Part 3: The Avoider… Part 2 I thought it prudent to pause in the series to respond to a great question from one of our readers named Olivia. I hope her question and my response will be helpful to many of you in your journey of love. “Your post https://howwelove.com/blog/self-other-we-part-2-the-avoider/17654/ resonated with […]
“Self, Other, We.” Part 4: The Pleaser If the Avoider could be described as self-sufficient, self-reliant and requiring little to no emotional reassurance from others, then The Pleaser would be just the opposite. June was happy her husband was in such a good mood on their first Saturday off in two weeks. She had gotten […]
“Self, Other, We.” Part 5: The Vacillator At the end of his day, Steven bounded through the door, excited to see his wife Kathy. He could hardly wait for a big hug and kiss. But upon entering, he suddenly found himself overtaken by a deep dread and disappointment. Kathy’s eyes were fixed upon their newborn […]
“Self, Other, We.” Part 6: The Controller I was standing in Costco minding my own business looking at the surf boards and paddle boards at the summer kiosk. From a distance I heard a voice say “Aren’t you a little too old to be looking at those? I looked in the direction of the voice […]