Relationship Ruptures

Millie went to be with Jesus last night.

We are praising God for his timing as we have a vacation scheduled next week and desperately need to rest.

We can rest knowing Millie is walking in her new body that works perfectly.

I can’t imagine how that must feel to her after living her life with cerebral palsy, in a wheelchair, totally dependent on others.

I was with her all day wed and into the evening.

Even though she was non responsive I know the sense of hearing is the last to go so I talked to her softly right next to her head, sang to herJesus loves me, and reassured her she wasn’t alone.

My step father also passed away this week after a long decline from a stroke six years ago.

I was inspired to write this poem as I contemplated the struggle around both birth and death.

The newsletter begins after the poem.

Thanks you all for your prayers.

We consider it the highest form of love given to us.

Blessings, Kay

Arrivals and Departures

 

Droplets of exhaustion bead across her forehead

Eyes closed, weary breaths, rapid, panting,

Once more eyebrows arch in pain, eyes lock tight.

Hands clench in readiness; body now bent bearing down. 

Tight clamped jaw set in determination pushing past the weariness.

She labors toward the miracle of seeing her firstborn.

At last battle over, baby slips out, wet, shinny, new.

Music of a cry heralds the arrival, all eyes moist.

Soft kisses of greeting hush the cry, eyes touch in wonder

Three in an embrace of welcome, faces touching faces.

Now the journey marked by years of memories,

Face lined with rows of time like rings of a tree. 

Head hang to the side in feeble exhaustion.

Hands once tiny fisted now lie limp, open in surrender.

Breath comes panting, for days now gasping between moans.

Once laboring to come, now laboring to go.     Waiting.

Struggling for entrance, pushing closer to the cervix of eternity.

Whispered goodbyes, soft caresses bid her onward. 

Finally, still.  She has heard the call home, heaven opens. 

Her tears forever hushed, she runs toward open arms.

Faces touching faces in greeting.

This month we are talking about rupture and repair.  Mr. Webster has this to say.

Rupture:

Definition:  A broken state.  A break in something, or breaking apart of something.  A breach in relations.  A breakdown in a friendly or peaceful relationship. 

Synonyms:  break, crack, split, burst, rip open, shatter

Now that this definition is fresh in your mind, let’s go back in time and look at our love lessons growing up about rupture and repair.

Today we are just going to focus on rupture.

Next week we will look at repair.

No parent is perfect.

All parents do things that cause ruptures with their kids.

Stop and consider:

What did your dad do that caused ruptures in your relationship?

What did your mom do that caused ruptures in your relationship with her?

If you want to go further, how about siblings?  What did they do?

Your parents’ personality, behaviors, level of maturity, ability to handle stress and lack of awareness may all contribute to the specific ways they caused ruptures.  You will have a different list for each parent.

What broke your trust?

What made it unsafe to be vulnerable?

What made you want to get out of the house?

Some of you had parents that left.

That’s an earthquake rupture that we talked about last week.

Increase your own self awareness by making a list of what your parents did.

You may be surprised to find out exactly what caused breakdowns in your relationship with your family members.

Personally, my dad’s behaviors are easy to spot.

His impatience, anger and self absorption were the cause of many ruptures.

My mom was a pleaser so her behaviors that caused ruptures are more subtle.  My mom could not listen to feelings.

She avoided anything painful.

She pretended things were fine when they were not.

This caused a breakdown of trust and safety.

She was “nice” but useless when anything difficult came my way.

Now, it wouldn’t be Kay writing if I did not ask you how this made you feel!

Go back and pick three feeling words for your dad and three for your mom.

When they caused ruptures how did it make you feel?

Write it down.

Next week we will consider the subject of repair.

You say you can’t find your list of feelings?  No problem.  Look below.

 

SOUL WORDS

A Feelings Word List

HAPPY, cheerful, delighted, elated, encouraged, glad, gratified, joyful, lighthearted, overjoyed, pleased, relieved, satisfied, thrilled, secure.

LOVING, affectionate, cozy, passionate, romantic, sexy, warm, tender, responsive, thankful, appreciative, refreshed, pleased.

HIGH ENERGY, energetic, enthusiastic, excited, playful, rejuvenated, talkative, pumped. motivated, driven, determined, obsessed.

AMAZED, stunned, surprised, shocked, jolted, perplexed.

ANXIOUS, uneasy, embarrassed, frustrated, nauseated, ashamed, nervous, restless, worried stressed.

CONFIDENT, positive, secure, self assured, assertive.

PEACEFUL, relieved, at ease, calm, comforted, cool, relaxed, serene.

AFRAID, scared, anxious, apprehensive, boxed in, burdened, confused, distressed, fearful, frightened, guarded, hard pressed, overwhelmed, panicky, paralyzed, tense, terrified, worried, insecure.

TRAUMATIZED, shocked, disturbed, injured, damaged.

ANGRY, annoyed, controlled, manipulated, furious, grouchy, grumpy, irritated, provoked, frustrated.

LOW ENERGY, beaten down, exhausted, tired, weak, listless, depressed, detached, withdrawn, indifferent, apathetic.

ALONE, avoidant, lonely, abandoned, deserted, forlorn, isolated, cut off, detached.

SAD, unhappy, crushed, dejected, depressed, desperate, despondent, grieved, heartbroken, heavy, weepy.

BETRAYED, deceived, fooled, duped, tricked.

CONFUSED, baffled, perplexed, mystified, bewildered.

ASHAMED, guilty, mortified, humiliated, embarrassed, exposed.

Thanks for listening.

Love and Blessings,

Milan & Kay

Next Week:  More about rupture and repair.