Recovering from an Affair 3/13

Disclosure: How much do you reveal?

After an affair and the couple still in shock, questions start to come, and come and come. I tell the offending partner, “Your spouse has a Biblical right to divorce and they are choosing not to exercise that option. You will need to plan to reveal anything to them that they need to wrap their brain around what has happened.

This will take weeks months and even years as the offended partner, thinks, processes, connects dots and sees a picture develop… that didn’t include them. Often, the guilty party wants to minimize the transgression and will say things like “it’s over… can’t we forgive and forget and just move on?”

I’ve seen people ask questions for many years after an affair, and the guilty parties often say enough is enough. I tell them, that if they want their marriage to recover form an affair, they owe it to their spouse… it is the price they must pay. Many times, the offending party tells me that every time another question is asked, it plunges them back into guilt and shame… feelings that are unpleasant. I empathize but encourage them that Jesus was a “man of sorrows and acquainted with grief (Isaiah 53:3).”

So, maturity in Christ is not a life of amusement and distraction in which we conveniently forget our sin, but rather a life that lives with an alive awareness of my sinful flesh and its propensities. Often, affairs are attempts to escape reality and live in a fantasy world that is far from reality. In order to become more like Christ, there needs to be a sobriety and a serious view of life that reflects our fallen nature, a broken world and the need for a Savior.

After an auto accident, people usually drive more carefully with a higher awareness as to how dangerous a road really is. No, I’m not talking about a morbid morose negativity, but rather a strong sense of reality that understands life’s fragilities… even your own.

The Apostle Paul did, he wrote: “I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wishes to do good.” (Romans 7:21). He lived with the tension that good and bad existed in close proximity within him, and this affected his Biblical world view… for the positive.

Thanks for listening.

Love and Blessings,

Milan & Kay