Parenting Styles – The “Loose” Parent
Thanks to all of you who responded to my request for feedback last week. Your thoughtful responses have helped me realize that the time Milan and I spend on these newsletters is well worth it. We really appreciate the chance to help people who truly want to strenghten their valuable relationships with those they love.
This month we will look at some great parenting ideas for your journey as a parent. Last week we looked at parenting that is too rigid. This week we will look at parenting that is all about love and lack discipline. The last two weeks I’ll share the best parenting tips I’ve come across.
If you’re a parent we hope you have invested in our How We Love as Parents Workshop available on our website at:
This six hour seminar looks at the five love styles and how each with struggle with creating secure attachment with their kids. If your kids are young, it will help you prevent some of the mistakes we made as parents. If your kids are grown, it will help you with your grandkids and might spur some healing conversations with your adult
PARENTING WITH EMPHASIS ON LOVE: The focus is on love with few limits.
Parents with a “loose” parenting style give an overabundance of freedom and little structure.
Perhaps these parents are worn out.
Perhaps they are guilty over a divorce or putting their child in day care so they overindulge.
Maybe this parent was never allowed to say no growing up and as an adult everyone pushes them around and runs over them, including their kids.
Even more common is the parent who is overindulges and is too lenient in and attempt to counterbalance their spouse (or step parent) who they feel is too hard on their child.
If you say, “my child knows how to work me,” watch out….they will be working you when they are grown and out of the house.
In these situations “love” stretches into overindulgence, rescuing a child from consequences and doing for a child what they could do for themselves.
The end result is a child who has trouble controlling their impulses, can’t delay gratification and has a big sense of entitlement that someone should always be helping them out.
It is stressful for a young child than to have parents who are baffled, outwitted and overrun by a preschooler’s behavior.
If you cannot control your child at two, three or four years old, what hope do you have when they are a teenager and as big as you?
Some kids will give you a run for your money.
We call them leaders in the rough.
It seems they want things their way from the moment they pop out of the womb. It may take three days of non stop putting your kid back in the time out chair until he stays. You must show your child that they are not too much for you. They must sense that you are bigger, smarter and able to enforce your limits.
I have had many clients say I had no curfew, no restrictions and could do as I pleased. I was spoiled rotten. This is sad. Limits from a parent say I care enough about you to make you earn your freedom with truthfulness, responsibility and respect.
We need a balance of love and limits. God gives freedom to choose. (Adam and Eve) He allows us to suffer consequences when we make bad choices. God still demonstrates love after a bad choice but does not remove the effects of our decisions.
Next week I’ll start by giving you some of the best parenting tips I know.
There is a principle throughout scripture that says we will reap what you sow. Galatians 6:7 says, “ do not be deceived, god is not mocked, for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.”
Thanks and blessings,
Milan & Kay
Next week: The Very BEST Parenting Tips!