Milan & Kay's Blog

The Wisdom of a Three Year Old

The Wisdom of a Three Year Old  I wanted to share an email we received that I’m sure will be one of our all time favorites. This is from a mom who wanted to read “How We Love”, but did not have the money to purchase the book.  Several days after we corresponded she got a gift […]

Differentiation vs. Annihilation

Differentiation vs. Annihilation  Fourth in a four part series. According to the New Milan Dictionary: Differentiation:  “To distinguish oneself as different from another.” Annihilation:  “To make something go away as though it didn’t exist.” Last week we talked about how the pleasers, avoiders and vacillators were shaped into their broken attachment or love styles. What […]

Differentiation vs. Annihilation

Differentiation vs. Annihilation  Third in a four part series. According to the New Milan Dictionary: Differentiation:  “To distinguish oneself as different from another.” Annihilation:  “To make something go away as though it didn’t exist.” So… remember the little kid from last week’s newsletter whose anxious hovering mom couldn’t let him get too far from her […]

Differentiation vs. Annihilation

Differentiation vs. Annihilation  Second in a four part series. According to the New Milan Dictionary: Differentiation:  “To distinguish oneself as different from another.” Annihilation:  “To make something go away as though it didn’t exist.” Healthy relationships and secure connection is characterized by a freedom felt by both partners be an individual. Secure connection means we […]

Differentiation vs. Annihilation

Differentiation vs. Annihilation  First in a four part series. According to the New Milan Dictionary: Differentiation:  “To distinguish oneself as different from another.” Annihilation:  “To make something go away as though it didn’t exist.” So… this week, my daughter Amy told her four-year-old son Reece, “We’re going to Nana and Poppy’s for dinner.” He was quiet and […]

“Am I with the Right Counselor?”

“Am I with the Right Counselor?” Having gone myself to eight different therapists, I wish I had had some of the advice back then I can offer now. Unfortunately, there are some very bad therapists mixed in with some fair therapists and then there are some very good counselors. Here are some questions to ask yourself. […]

What is My Part in Getting the Most Out of Counseling?

What is My Part in Getting the Most Out of Counseling? Here are some more suggestion about getting the most out of therapy. Therapy is an investment of time and money. There is no such thing as a perfect therapist with a magic wand. Like anything the more you put into it the more you […]

How to Choose a Good Therapist

How to Choose a Good Therapist Question:  I’m on the eighth session of marriage counseling and this is the first time my husband and I have gotten this kind of help.  We don’t really know what to expect, but it doesn’t seem like we are getting anywhere.  We fight in front of her the same way we fight […]

Questions from readers

Hello Readers, Here is an interesting question that we hear a lot about people married to avoiders. Although the avoider in this case is a man, it could also be a female in another marriage. We also hear from a lot of men who are married to avoider women and just as frustrated. The Question: […]