Here is the next line Milan and I pray for you.
Help us preserve through the storms we bring into each other’s lives.
There is a truth about marriage.
Your spouse will suffer because of you.
You will suffer because of your spouse.
We are wounded, broken people and we make poor choices along the way. Storms are inevitable. Storms cause a mess and there is a lot of clean up to do after a storm. Some of the damage is from childhood wounds we carry into our marriage. Some damage comes from our sinful nature. We want our way. We want to justify our responses. We want to hide and blame and make excuses like Adam and Eve did in the garden.
How can you survive a storm?
It helps a lot if you take responsibility for storms when you cause them. My (Kay) avoider traits hurt my husband and my kids. I missed opportunities to comfort. I didn’t know how to ask about feelings. I picked needy friends that took time away from my family. I’ve done more than apologize. I slowly, surely cleaned up the mess.
Maybe you didn’t cause the storm. Perhaps your spouse is clearly responsible. You will have to process through a range of feelings but make it your goal to forgive, offer grace and try to help clean up the mess together. It can be a deeply healing and bonding experience to survive a storm and rebuild together.
In some cases storms are so damaging and devastating it’s not possible to rebuild. In cases of abuse or violence the relationship may have to be declared a disaster area. In such cases you will want to be able to say with a clear conscience, I did my best.
Milan and Kay
Next week: When You Suffer Because of your Spouse