Here was our first request in our prayer for you…..
“Grant us the courage to be willing to continue to grow.”
How is your life different today from one year ago today? Have you changed? How? Ask you family members if they notice any difference in you. Hopefully, they can answer, “Yes.”
If you are like a lot of people we see on our offices you may be waiting for your spouse to change thinking they are THE PROBLEM. No doubt, they are indeed part of the problem. But, you can only change you. I can rate the prognosis of a couples likelihood of succeeding in therapy in several ways: 1. How willing are they to focus on themselves? 2. How entrenched is the blame? 3. What is the level of contempt and disgust for their mate? 4. How reactive is this couple?
Good prognosis is based on an individuals willingness to grow and a readiness to own and take responsibility for their contribution to problems. This often means acknowledging the childhood injuries that are often at the root of the problem. Contempt is poison to a marriage and a sign that a partner has lost any appreciation of the good qualities of their mate or child and is only focused on what is wrong. High levels of reactivity mean there is a very low ability to listen.
If you want to grow, here is a challenge. Discover your love style by reading, How We Love. Get the workbook and hand it to your mate. Say, “After reading this book, I think I’m an Avoider (pleaser, vacillator, controller, or victim.) Here are some growth goals to help me change. Could you read through these and pick the one that would mean to most to you. I’ll start there. Email me and let me know how your spouse responds……then take it to heart and work on it. It may be the beginning of a new season in your marriage. You could do the same thing with your kids.
Milan and Kay
Next week: Do you have compassion for your spouse?