Lies embedded in the Love Styles – The Avoider

What lies do avoiders believe without much awareness of their existence?  Let’s focus  on the biggest; avoiders deem neediness as weak and pathetic.  We avoiders enter adulthood thinking independence and self sufficiency are highly valued traits and emotionally needy people are fragile and pathetic.

While self-determination and self-sufficiency are sometimes useful and good, independence needs to be balanced with dependence and avoiders have difficulty with reliance of any kind.  Listen up avoiders.  Have you ever considered you believe a lie that contradicts God’s truth in the bible?

The bible is full of “one another’s”;  bear one another’s burdens, comfort one another,  be tenderhearted, weep with those who weep, be sympathetic, kind hearted showing mercy.   Avoiders, to embrace these verses, we must be comfortable with feelings, especially painful emotions.

If we are to become Christ-like then what did Jesus do with feelings, emotions and neediness?  At times Jesus separated from people.  While we might view this as independence, he was relying on his heavenly Father at these moments.  At other times, Jesus was the giver and the receiver; the healer and in need of healing; the provider and the one requesting provision.

The most poignant example of Jesus as vulnerable and needy is the account of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane.  Hebrews 5:7 says “In the days of His flesh, when He offered up both prayers and supplications with loud crying and tears to Him who was able to save Him from death, and who was heard because of this piety, although He was a Son, He learned obedience from the things which He suffered.”

In the Garden, Jesus asked for his three closest disciples to stay and watch with him and be present with him when his soul was distressed to the point of death.  Here, in the garden, we see Jesus as human, needy, the weeping receiver, begging for help from his friends and his heavenly Father.

The lie avoiders believe sounds something like this:

It’s good to be strong, independent, and self-reliant.  It’s pathetic to be needy, emotional and weak.

Biblically, the truth is:

Jesus was both strong and self-determined and needy and emotional.  Being human means I can feel my feelings and ask for help during difficult times.  It is not pathetic or weak to do this.  Rather, it is to be like Jesus.