Growth and Maturity

Let’s shift our attention from general growth principles to a focus on what each wounded attachment style. This week, The Avoider!

The Avoider – Awareness and Reflection Skills

Awareness and Reflection Skills
What is Self-Awareness?
The ability to internally reflect, understand and evaluate inner responses and outward behaviors. Can communicate this awareness to others.
What is Other-Awareness?
The ability to reflect on, ask about and describe internal feelings, thoughts, and reactions of others. Able to put yourself in another’s shoes and see from their perspective.
Comfort Level in Dealing with Negative/Painful Emotions.
The ability to control reactivity when recognizing and responding to negative emotions in self and others.

AVOIDER
Avoider’s Self Awareness
No practice as a child. Never asked to talk about feelings. No opportunity for self- reflection so feelings are minimized, restricted, devalued.
Avoider’s Other Awareness
Does not occur to Avoider to ask about internal feelings and thoughts of others. Assumes they are “fine” or will solve problems on their own.
How Avoiders Deal with Negative Emotions
Unaware of, minimizes or avoids negative emotions of self and others. Self-reliant and expects others to be the same. No empathy.

Growth Goals:

Becoming Like Jesus: Every journey of sanctification and growth in Jesus begins with an awareness of how we are broken and a clear knowledge of what needs healing. Ask God in prayer to help you heal and give you the courage to be uncomfortable as you learn to try new things.

Avoider:
• Use the list of soul words every day and look for words that describe your inner world.
• Put words to your internal experiences and learn to share your feelings with others.
• Ask for help instead of being the lone ranger.
• Ask others about their feelings and just listen without trying to fix or change their feelings.
• When you don’t know what someone wants from you ask, “What do you need right now?”
• Learn to link feelings to needs. “I’m sad, I need a hug.” “I’m mad, I need to talk.”

Thanks for listening,
Milan & Kay