Growth and Maturity

So, what do we need to do to grow? Part 2! Remember, that relationships are the great exposer of my weaknesses. Therefore:
4. We need to learn to become vulnerable (showing hurt and pain) letting down our defenses.
5. We are required to become humble and learn to confess our weaknesses and tell our significant relationships of our contribution to the problem. When is the last time you confessed a sin to your spouse or children?
6. We need to learn to forgive from the heart, a process of releasing ourselves as well as others from the prison cell of debt.
7. We must grow in our ability to tolerate as well as cultivate new emotions in ourselves and in others.
8. We need to adopt a redemptive faith in Jesus Christ, which enables us to have the capacity and the power to change by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.

So far, all of the topics discussed have been general in nature and apply to us all. Starting next week, we will talk about individual growth goals for each of the broken attachment styles.
Thanks for listening,
Milan and Kay

We’d love to have you join us for a How We Love workshop at EV Free in Fullerton, CA on September 14-15. For more information, please click here.


2 Responses to “Growth and Maturity”

I am having a hard time being tolerant with my husband. When I first read your book I was encouraged because I saw the pattern we were in as he is an avoider and I am a vacillator. I read every single word and we did the comfort circle a couple times and I felt very refreshed and I ate up the attention my husband gave me and I was encouraged by the effort that he gave. I wanted to engage in the comfort circle every day. My husband looked at it as too intense and just another opportunity for me to complain. I told him I would be the listener and he could express to me his complaints, etc. He just didn’t want to do it. I don’t want to be tolerant of him. I want him to initiate intimacy with me. The book has almost made it worse because I think you have such good advice and I think is would be helpful and make me feel loved. We took the love language quiz at my counselor’s suggestion. I am “quality time” and words of affirmation second and physical touch second. My husband is “acts of service and words of affirmation.” I already do a lot of “acts of service.” I have gotten a note book to write words of affirmation to him. But he doesn’t respond to them! I have made 44 entries since Valentin’s Day. He has not once commented or gave me words of affirmation back. And, like a vacillator I get angry!!! My counselor suggested that I make a list of 5 things I would like to do and have him pick one. Do it every week she says. He didn’t do any of the things! Three months later she suggests I keep trying and keep doing acts of service for him and words of affirmation, etc. to soften his hearty ETC. But the vacillator in me is so angry and I just break down crying all the time because he won’t try to do the suggestions in your book and the five love languages book. He won’t read them actually. I just don’t know how to deal with my disappointment. These are such deep patterns we have after 26 years of marriage. What to do with my disappointment???

Just wondering if he understands enough of your history to know why you are a vacillator? Do you understand the childhood wounds that caused him to be an avoider? It’s hard to have compassion if you don’t understand the wounds. That being said…are you both in counseling at the same time in the room together?

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.