Since we have just passed through the season of giving lets look at each of the love styles as givers and receivers for the January newsletters.
We need to be good at both roles, sometimes as the giver and sometimes the receiver.
Each love style has propensities and predictable behaviors and each style has ways they need to grow to be conformed to Christ’s image.
Just for fun let’s imagine each love style around the Christmas season since it just happened…..
Avoiders would skip the whole thing or at least minimize and scale the fan fare way down.
Why all the fuss?
What do you get an avoider?
They don’t need anything…..and if they do they will buy it themselves. Avoiders are often stumped when it comes to buying presents and a lot of the last minute shoppers are avoiders, down to the wire!
Pleasers are exhausted by the time the opening of presents begins.
They have been trying to get just the right thing for everybody and they are dreading any hint of disappointment on anyone’s face.
They will be a bit disappointed that they didn’t get what they wanted…but they aren’t sure what they want anyway.
Vacillators hope Christmas is as magical as the Christmas Cards say it is.
They love the holidays and all of the memory making and by the time the unwrapping starts they are most likely disappointed because someone has marred the enchantment and spoiled the picture of how it was all suppose to go. Vacillators love to give and receive gifts and hope to get just the right present that shows they are deeply known…..and it means the most if you guess what it is they want and guess right. After all they have dropped a few hints.
Sometimes, Controllers dread the holidays.
Childhood memories of these times are not often the best and often Christmas is a triggers of past memories that cast a shadow of gloom over the holidays. Controllers are in charge and everybody better be going along with the program. Anger is likely to erupt before the evening is over with all the extra stress and commotion. It might take the “Merry” out of “Merry Christmas.” Everybody is hoping just this once it will be peaceful.
Victims also have some negative memories of holidays growing up as kids.
Oh how they yearn for a peaceful time and have anxiety about possible blow ups.
They may try hard to make the season special and happy or they may check out and detach. They give and don’t expect much of anything in return. By the time it’s all over they are probably blaming themselves for some mishap or disaster generated by someone else.
In fact part of the stress of the holidays is that we are around our parents and extended families and many of us revert into our childhood roles and behavior during these events. Just remember, on the way home from a time with your mate’s extended family, you may be riding home with a six or ten year old in the car beside you. Give them some grace and ask about feelings after these holiday events.
Well, or course these are all generalities of each style.
You may see your self, or you may not.
You may say, “The description of my style definitely use to fit, but I can see I’m growing.”
I know a vacillator who made a concerted effort not to idealize and expect and accept some messy moments this Christmas. She told me she enjoyed the holidays more than usual with more realistic expectations.
Milan, the pleaser, actually kept and didn’t return all his presents because he is learning to be a better receiver.
I have to admit, as an avoider, I still wanted the tree down by New Year ’s Day but left it up for three whole extra days.
Next week it’s all about Avoiders.
Milan & Kay