Category: Vacillator

What Are the Effects of Circle #3 Carried into Adulthood?

From last week we learned that secure attachment with our parents provides many benefits. Certainly the foremost is the probability of higher success rates in adult relationships, such as dating, marriage, work relationships and parenting. The secure experience minimizes the pain experienced from the conflict and alienation experienced by those from more dysfunctional homes. And while secure […]

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Reactivity: Causes Of Over Reaction For Each Of The Love Styles

This month we are talking about reactivity and how it harms relationships.  Reactivity blocks reason!!  When you are reactive, you cannot listen.  You cannot separate the past from the present.  You cannot say things in a loving way.  The goal is to respond, not react.  Responsiveness is not clouded with reactivity. Let’s look at the common things that make each of the […]

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Markers of Humility: Can You Apologize – Vacillators and Controllers/Victims

Back to the subject of humility and apologies.  We have looked at the avoider and pleaser in terms of their difficulties with apologies and what they need to apologize for.  Now let’s turn our attention to the Vacillator and Controller/Victim love  styles. Vacillators:  Vacillators have a very difficult time with apologies because to own their own part in the problematic […]

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