Love Style Quiz

Deep change is only possible after you understand the root of the problem! Each love style is a direct result of your environment growing up and identifiable by measuring key traits in your current relationships – an accurate assessment requires honestly opening yourself to careful self-reflection. This brief quiz is meant to help you determine your love style as the first step on the road to healing.

Please note that while the questions are phrased for couples, anyone can take this test — simply substitute the applicable relationship, or think about how you would react were you in a relationship.

Directions: For each statement, simply choose how closely that statement reflects you.

1. Sometimes I give in, even when I disagree, just to avoid a quarrel.

2. One or both of my parents had serious problems and or multiple marriages.

3. I'm rarely angry, and if I am, I usually hide it rather than show it.

4. Life has taught me to either “be in control” or “be controlled.”

5. I get angry when others don’t meet my expectations, and I feel relieved after I vent.

6. I took a lot of abuse during my childhood until I punched and threatened until it stopped.

7. I am not a risk taker, and I like things to be predictable.

8. My spouse or significant other has (or threatens to) hit, drag, or shoved me.

9. My partner says mean things to me and makes me feel small and helpless.

10. No one protected me from harm growing up, so I had to toughen up and take care of myself.

11. Anger and frustration are usually the only emotions I feel.

12. I am afraid if I left my spouse, they would harm me or my kids.

13. Growing up, my family rarely, if ever, discussed personal concerns.

14. Growing up, my family was not very affectionate or demonstrative with touch or words.

15. My partner says they feel like they are walking on eggshells around me.

16. I have hit or pushed my spouse, significant other, or kids.

17. People sometimes describe me as intimidating.

18. My partner sometimes mistreats me, but it would be worse to be alone.

19. One of my parents was either critical or fearful and I tried hard to keep them happy or win their approval or I compensated for an unruly sibling by being the responsible one.

20. After social gatherings, I can’t stop thinking about how I was perceived and I am consumed with figuring out how I could have said things differently.

21. I usually defer to a friend or spouse when choosing a restaurant.

22. My partner tells me I am distant and don’t show enough affection.

23. Crying kids really annoy me; if they were my kid, it would stop.

24. I would describe my childhood as unsafe.

25. I make it obvious when I’m hurt, and when no one pursues me to ask what’s wrong, I feel even more upset and angry.

26. I feel like I am always waiting for time and attention from my partner.

27. Sometimes I try to control my temper, but once I’m angry, I can’t calm down.

28. I have always been sensitive and perceptive and can tell when others are pulling away from me.

29. My childhood was very unsafe, and I can remember hiding to protect myself.

30. I need space and get annoyed if someone always wants to be with me.

31. I have concerns about the safety of my spouse, kids, or significant other, and worry about my family being harmed or hurt.

32. My parents would describe me as a good kid who never caused problems.

33. When people hurt me, I tend to write them off and I have cut people off in past relationships.

34. If I am honest, I would say my partner is afraid of me.

35. I am very good at anticipating the needs of others and meeting them.

36. I don’t have a lot of contact with my parents or adult siblings.

37. I would describe myself as independent and self-reliant.

38. I have few feelings about my childhood except I’m glad it’s over.

39. I find it difficult to reengage when I’m angry, and when my partner makes an effort, I feel it’s too little to late.

40. I have feelings of jealousy and often feel like I’m not a first priority to my spouse or significant other.

41. Growing up, my home was very difficult, but I found I could escape into my head and go away.

42. I like to show my love by accomplishing tasks.

43. I often feel misunderstood and unsupported.

44. I don’t like to be alone, but often feel resentful and lonely when my spouse or significant other is around.

45. I have thought of leaving my spouse many times, but I don’t have the courage to actually do it.

46. I want more connection than my spouse or significant other wants, and I’m always the one trying to make it happen.

47. I often feel empty, like my longing for connection and attention is never satisfied.

48. I would rather do something nice for someone when I think they are mad at me than confront them directly.

49. I don’t let myself cry because if I started, I’d never stop.

50. I have difficulty saying “no” and find that I often over-commit myself.

51. I like to meet the needs of others and I feel uncomfortable when someone wants to serve me.

52. I am dishonest at times to avoid conflict.

53. Things must be done in an orderly, specific way, or I get angry.

54. My partner controls almost everything about my life

55. I rarely cry and think crying is a waste of time that doesn’t help anything.

56. My spouse often tells me I’m wrong or crazy, and sometimes I am so confused, I think maybe I am crazy.

57. I think asking for help is a sign of weakness and I prefer to solve problems on my own.

58. I use substances like food, alcohol, or drugs to help deal with the stress and pain in my life.

59. Chaos feels normal to me; when things are quiet I grow anxious because I’m waiting for something bad to happen.

60. My parent(s) acted more like kids than parents.

61. I feel very anxious if someone is upset or annoyed with me, so I am good at “keeping peace”.

62. My dating relationship with my spouse was passionate and exciting, but now I feel betrayed and duped because that spark is gone.

63. I feel powerless in my relationships, like I am just going through the motions.

64. I try to avoid long conversations, especially if I think someone will get emotional.

65. When people around me become emotional, I tend to look for a way to distance myself.

66. I get annoyed when people ask me how I feel.

67. When people ask me about my childhood, I don’t have a lot of memories.

68. I take responsibilities seriously and would describe myself as a high achiever.

69. I don’t like being alone and avoid conflict to keep people from pulling away from me.

70. I often feel unworthy, unlovable, and wonder why I am on this earth.